


Somebody for me out there

by aythia



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, College, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:24:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aythia/pseuds/aythia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared grew up with him, the boy with the green eyes. He was his only constant, the only thing that stayed with him when he lost everything. Too bad he only existed in Jared's mind.<br/>College was Jared’s chance at a life of his own, a chance to get out of the system and start something real. What he wasn’t prepared for, though, was the sight of the figment of his imagination turned flesh and blood</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody for me out there

**Author's Note:**

> Masterpost at <http://aythia.livejournal.com/83262.html>  
> Art masterpost at <http://insane-songbird.livejournal.com/97551.html>

**_~Prologue~_ **

Every time Jared closed his eyes, the darkness only lasted for a few seconds before a pair of eyes appeared in his mind’s eye. It had always been like that. Jared had never thought twice about it; he assumed that everyone saw what he saw, that everyone had warm eyes watching over them.

~*~

"Mommy," Jared said. He pushed up on his tiptoes to try and see if she would be done with the big spoon she was using to mix cake batter soon.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Sherri asked.

Jared tried to sneak his finger into the bowl, but Sherri laughed and pushed his chubby little hand aside, ruffling his hair when he put on his best pout. Jared was just about to complain when he remembered that he had been about to ask something.

"What colour are your eyes?" he asked, not taking his own eyes off the spoon.

"What was that?" his mother asked, glancing down at him. 

"Your eyes, what colour are they?"

"Jared, you can see my eyes, they're brown," Sherri said with a fond smile.

"Oh, Mommy, not _those_ eyes," Jared said with a giggle. "The _other_ eyes."

Sherri looked down at the boy in front of her and noticed the way he was still eyeing the spoon in her hand, licking his lips as if he was imagining licking the spoon clean. 

"What other eyes?" she asked with a smile.

"The ones you see when you close yours," Jared said, tearing his eyes from the bowl and looking up at her. "The ones that watch over you."

Sherri pushed the bowl aside and knelt down beside Jared. The small boy looked up at her with such an open expression that it made her heart ache and she pulled him in for a quick hug. 

"There aren’t any eyes when I close mine," she said when she pulled away.

To her surprise, Jared reached out and patted her arm softly, like he wanted to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, Mommy," he said.

Sherri frowned and put her hand over Jared's smaller one; he leaned in for another hug, his arms wrapping around her neck as he clung to her. The warm smell of his hair filled her nostrils. 

"Jared, honey, do _you_ see eyes?" Sherri asked, trying to get some grasp of the conversation. 

"Of course," Jared said happily. "Every night before I fall asleep."

They pulled out of the embrace and his focus returned to the bowl on the counter and the batter-covered spoon that Sherri had abandoned.

"Mine are green," he added as an afterthought.

Sherri didn't even think to stop her son when he reached for the sticky spoon; her mind was filled with confusion and worry about green eyes.

~*~

"C'mon, JT," Jeff called. "Hurry up, kiddo."

Jared ran out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him, and almost tripped over his own feet in his hurry. He managed to get his balance back at the last second and avoid landing sprawled on the ground in front of his big brother.

"Dibs on sitting behind mom!" he called as he ducked around Jeff. 

"What? No, I'm taller _and_ older than you," Jeff protested. "I should get to pick first."

Jared grinned at him and pulled the door open, making sure his mother didn't see him stick his tongue out at Jeff. 

"Should've called it, then," he said. 

"Jared," Megan whined. "You're in the way!"

His little sister refused to use the other door and Jared refused to move; she ended up climbing over him to get to her spot in the middle of the backseat. Their mom got into the passenger seat while his dad locked up the house.

Jared wasn't all that fond of Sundays; they always meant going off to visit some relative or another, and Jared would much rather have stayed home and played with the boy who lived next door. Matt had the coolest Lego collection of all his friends.

"Do we _have_ to visit Aunt Viola?" Jeff asked. "Her place smells like cat."

Jared looked over at Jeff, thought about pointing out that Viola's five cats might be the reason for the smell, and chose to keep silent as he leaned his head against the head rest and closed his eyes, letting the world slide away. It only took a few seconds for a pair of vivid greed eyes came into focus and the familiarity of that sight had Jared's lips stretching up in a small, contented smile.

He didn't see Sherri turn around to look at him, a small frown on her face; didn't know how often that frown had appeared in the years since he had first mentioned the green eyes. Sherri wasn't really worried—whatever it was it didn't seem to cause her son any pain—but she was concerned, and sometimes when Jared closed his eyes and that small smile appeared, she felt strangely left out.

The sound of screeching tires brought her out of her reverie and she barely had time to scream out a warning before another car slammed into theirs.

~*~

The first thing Jared was aware of was pain. He couldn't pinpoint it because all of him was aching; every inch of flesh and bone seemed to be radiating pain. The darkness around him was disconcerting and even though he tried, he couldn't bring forth the green eyes that always comforted him. There was a smell to the room, a clean sort of smell that could never be found in a normal person's home; the sterile smell of antiseptics, the smell of a hospital.

"Jared? Are you awake?" a voice said somewhere to his right. It wasn't a voice he was familiar with. 

Jared forced his eyes open; the brightness of the room stung before his eyes adjusted. He took in the blank white walls, the hospital bed he was lying in, and the tall man standing beside him, a clipboard in his hand and a look on his face that had Jared's belly tightening in fear. The bed felt too big for his small frame and Jared looked around, trying to find something familiar in the bland room, but there was nothing. Not even flowers on the bedside table. He tried to open his mouth, to ask about his parents, but suddenly a memory slammed into him with brutal force. 

“ _The car! God no, Jerry! Look out!_ ”

He wasn't even aware that the whimpering filling the room was his own. Wasn't aware when it turned into panicked sobs, wasn't aware of something being added to the IV connected to his arm until he drifted back down into comforting darkness.

~*~

When he woke up again, it was to a world that was too confusing and too scary for a small boy to deal with. He learned a few things quickly; the biggest one was that Jared Padalecki, age ten, was an orphan.

As if that wasn't enough, when he asked about Megan, they looked at him with sad eyes and explained that she hadn't stood a chance against the car that had slammed into theirs. Jared was scared to ask about his big brother, and when he finally did, he regretted it immediately upon finding out that Jeff was in a coma, and that the chances of his waking up were very slim. Everything Jared knew was crashing around him; all he wanted was for his mom and dad to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. 

Every time he was left alone, and each night when he was trying to sleep despite the pain, he closed his eyes, longing for the comfort of the green eyes he had always seen. For some reason, they didn't appear, and he was left with an unfamiliar darkness that did nothing to soothe him.

Two weeks after the accident, five days after he had woken up, he got something else instead: A doctor came to talk to him, sit with him, and explained that Jeff hadn't made it. Jared was now truly alone.  
That night, when he closed his eyes, he cried with relief as bright green eyes came into focus for the first time since the accident. Then something changed. The eyes seemed to move backwards and for a terrifying second, Jared thought they might leave him. Then he saw a face take shape and his breath caught in his lungs when, for the first time, he saw light brown hair and a fine dusting of freckles sprinkled over a straight nose and sloping cheekbones. The boy smiled at him, his green eyes sparkling.

~*~

**_~Jared~_ **

Jared was looking forward to college; probably more than most because it meant he would be on his own, not dependent upon the foster system or at the mercy of others. Besides, the small room would be _his_ , and as long as he managed to keep on top of his schoolwork, no one was going to take it away from him or send him away. It had to be better than the foster homes that had all blended together in his mind; they were all the same and none of them had lasted long. With all the moving around he had done, he had been surprised to find that he had managed high enough grades for a full scholarship; then again, being alone with no family meant he had had a lot of time to study.

He looked around the room at the neutral white of the walls and the simple furniture: one bookshelf stood on either side of the door with a matching desk. There was one small door to the side of the room that he was pretty sure led to a closet. The wall opposite the door had two big windows and below each window was a simple bed. Jared sighed at the sight; with his stature, there was no way he would ever be able to sleep comfortably on the short, narrow bed, but that was nothing new. It wasn’t like any of his foster families had spent any money to get him a bigger bed. 

Just then, the sun broke through the clouds outside and light came through the window, landing perfectly on the bed and turning the white bedspread golden. Jared had a vision of himself sitting on just that bed, sketchbook and pen in hand, and he couldn't stop a small smile from spreading on his lips. He could easily deal with a narrow bed for the chance to sit and work in that perfect light. Dropping his bag beside the bed, he stretched out, feet propped up against the headboard, and let the sun caress his body until he was half asleep.

The door slammed open and the sound made him jump enough to actually fall off the bed. He landed on the floor with a loud thud. 

"Whoa, I know I'm awesome and all, but you don't need to throw yourself at my feet."

Jared look up from his position on the floor and was met by laughing blue eyes squinting down at him. The guy stretched out his hand to help Jared up. 

"I'm Chad," the blond guy said. "Chad Michael Murray."

"Huh, that's a mouthful," Jared said as he accepted the helpful hand. "I'm Jared Padalecki."

"You're one to talk about a mouthful," Chad said, rolling his eyes. "I guess we’re roommates, then."

He look at the bed Jared had fallen from and tossed his messenger bag towards the other one. 

"You must’ve just arrived too; should we help each other carry stuff?"

"Uh." Jared could feel a blush creep across his cheeks. "I got all my stuff here."

Chad stared at him for a moment; his eyes drifted from the small bag by the bed to the bigger duffel Jared had dropped beside the door. He looked back at Jared, a small frown creasing his forehead. 

"Well..." Chad drifted off. He shrugged. "Mind helping me carry my stuff, then?”

~*~

"I've been meaning to ask you," Chad said in their second week of living together. "That guy, who is he?"

Jared looked up from his sketchbook and realized that Chad was standing over him, looking down at what Jared was working on. He lifted his arm to cover the sketch but Chad reached out and stopped him. 

"Dude, I've totally seen you draw him before, it's not like I care that you’ve got a gay-crush on someone you know."

"I don't!" Jared protested, putting the sketchbook down beside him on the bed. "It's just..."

He looked over at Chad and wondered how much he could explain to his roommate. They hadn't known each other for long and Jared knew his story was strange; he really didn't know how Chad would react. But in a little more than a week, Chad had made a spot for himself in Jared's life; he was his first friend, and Jared needed to tell someone. So he started talking. 

He told Chad everything, all the small details that he had never shared with anyone before, and the blond boy listened intently to every word. Jared could see his expression change from disbelief to worry, and he saw when the worry changed into something Jared hadn't expected: acceptance.

"Well," Chad said when Jared fell silent. "I guess if you have to be seeing things, this guy is easy enough on the eyes."

"You believe me?" Jared asked, his jaw dropping down to somewhere around his knees.

"Jay, my boy," Chad said. "That shit is too weird to be anything _but_ the truth. But seriously, you've always seen him? No idea when it started?"

"None." Jared sighed. "And I only saw more after...the accident. Before that, it was only eyes.”

"Huh," Chad said. They both sat silent for awhile. 

Chad reached for the sketchbook and Jared gave a small nod when Chad hesitated, his hand hovering over the drawing Jared had been working on. Jared watched as Chad flipped through the pages, stopping every now and then to look closely at the more detailed drawings. 

"Has he always looked like this?" Chad asked after awhile. 

"What?"

"You said you’ve seen him for years, but has he always looked like this?" Chad motioned at one of the drawings. "He looks almost our age."

"I think he's older," Jared said slowly. "He’s aged; when I first saw him...he looked about thirteen or fourteen. So I'm guessing he's three years older, at least."

"Dude, I _so_ wanna see more!" Chad almost bounced where he sat on the bed. "How long have you been drawing him?"

"Always?" Jared shrugged. "To some extent. It kinda became an obsession a few years ago, when I realized I'm good at it. Plus...I needed a distraction."

Chad didn't ask him for details and Jared was grateful enough that he reached down under the bed and pulled out a stack of older sketchbooks. He pushed one of them towards Chad. 

"Wow," Chad said as he looked down at the pages. "You really chose a pretty boy as your imaginary friend."

"He's not..." Jared huffed in protest. 

"Imaginary? Sorry, Jay, but Freckles here fits the definition of 'imaginary' spot on."

"No, you talk to imaginary friends," Jared said with a sigh. "He doesn't speak, he's just there, smiling."

"And that's not ten kinds of creepy..." Chad muttered and returned to flipping through the sketchbook.

Chad stopped at a black and white drawing and Jared couldn't stop a small smile from tugging at the corner of his mouth. The picture was of the boy dressed in a black long-sleeved sweater, one hand resting against his temple and the other curving under his chin, grabbing at the fabric of his opposite sleeve. What made the picture was the boy’s blinding smile, his joy shining up from the paper.

"Do you call him anything?" Chad asked after the silence had stretched out. 

"No, I've never come across a name that fits. He needs something special."

~*~

Jared thought Chad would treat him differently after he had learned everything about the strange green-eyed man, but the other boy went on like nothing special had happened. When Jared finally built up enough courage to ask about it, Chad just laughed.

"So what? You’ve got stupid hair, you’re tall as hell, you’ve got dimples that can get you anything you want and apparently, you're a little crazy. Big fucking deal."

Jared joined in the laughter and punched Chad lightly on the arm. 

"So you would do anything for my dimples?" He grinned. 

"Dude!" Chad protested. "That is _not_ what I said!"

"Really? ‘Cause that was what it sounded like to me," Jared went on, grin still intact. 

Chad gave him the finger and flipped open his textbook, ignoring Jared in favor of actually doing some studying. Jared was still smiling when he sat down and started to work on a drawing for his next art class.

It was supposed to be surrealism, so Jared didn't even feel guilty about the eyes he hid in the green of the trees.

~*~

"You know," Chad said, "you're probably one of the weirdest people I know."

"Thank you, Chad, that warms my heart to hear," Jared deadpanned. He walked over to his small dresser and pulled out a big fluffy towel; turning back towards the door, he ignored the way Chad pointedly coughed when his movement made a fine cloud of dust rise out of his hair. 

"Seriously, stone carving? Who takes a course like that? Why do they even _have_ a course like that?" Chad asked, stepping away from Jared. 

Jared laughed and shook his head in Chad's direction, another cloud of stone dust rising off his hair and clothes. The blond boy jumped back and glared at Jared through squinty eyes. 

"Ass!"

Jared smiled his sweetest smile, the one that dug dimples deep into his cheeks, and when Chad continued to glare, he added big, sad eyes to the mix. Chad's shoulders slumped in resignation.

"Yeah, yeah, okay, so that might’ve been a little cold. Hurry up and get to the shower, and I'm not cleaning up after you!"

"Aww, Chad, you just want me naked and wet!" Jared cooed as he left the room. 

When he was out of Chad’s hearing range, Jared allowed himself to cough, too; the course had been really fun so far, but he could live without the dust. He was pretty sure he had gotten it all over himself, and he couldn't wait until he got to work on bigger things that were about more than just shaping and polishing small pieces of stone. Chad was probably right, it was a weird course to take, but Jared loved it already; working with stone felt so...permanent. And after years of nothing but changes, Jared was in need of something permanent.

~*~

The campus was big, sprawling to the outskirts of town; it was almost a small town all by itself with coffee shops, bookstores, and gorgeous stone houses that Jared loved to draw. Two months into the semester, he felt like he belonged, like he had a real home for the first time in eight long years; all the things inside him that had been shattered, twisted and sharp edges, seemed to calm down and settle into something new.

Of course, that was when something had to happen to turn his life upside down and inside out. 

At first, it was something small: A conversation he overheard in the library, nothing that should have gotten to him the way it did. 

Jared bent over his book, his eyes tired from reading for too long; if he wanted to be able to read any longer, he needed coffee. He pushed off his chair and, after a few seconds of thought, left his books sprawled out across the table as he went to look for the coffee wagon. A warm mug finally clutched between his hands, he was just about to make his way back to his table when two guys walked past him towards the wagon. 

"I don't get why we have to bring him coffee every single time," one of the guys said with a pout.

"Because if it wasn't for Jensen, we would have flunked out ages ago?" the other guy said, pushing a hand through his brown hair. "I think he's worth the coffee."

"Whatever," the first guy muttered. "I'm just happy he takes it black, there’s no way I’d bring his gay ass some girly drink with sparkles on top."

"Yeah, ‘cause the library coffee wagon makes those. Stop whining, Steve, and let's get Jenny his coffee before he rips our heads off."

Their voices drifted off as Jared walked back towards his table; he tried to figure out what it was about the name 'Jensen' that had him reacting. It wasn't something he could put his finger on, but something about the name just felt so...right.

_**~Chad~** _

College was everything Chad had hoped it would be—apart from all the homework, of course, he could have done without that. But other than a disgusting amount of homework, college life kind of rocked. His classes were great, homework aside, and the whole 'not living with his parents' thing was a novelty to be treasured. And then there was his roommate. He was nothing like Chad had imagined.

The guy was a total klutz, that much had been obvious since the get go, and Chad had thought that he might be a funny friend to have, or at least someone he wouldn't hate to share a room with. He hadn't expected a new best friend, and he sure as hell hadn't expected the guy to be...quite as weird as Jared was. Chad still didn't truly know why had believed Jared’s story; something in his voice had made Chad accept every word the tall boy had to say. Not that he didn't tease Jared about it a little; he might be a good friend, but he wasn't _boring_ , after all.

~*~

Chad found himself in a corner of the sprawling campus that he hadn't visited before as he tried to find a coffee shop that apparently sold 'the best cupcakes this side of heaven,' according to the pretty girl across the hall. Chad was hoping the cupcakes could grant him access to her heaven. Still giggling at his own cleverness, Chad crossed the street when he saw the coffee shop; inside, he was met with the warm fragrances of coffee, chocolate, and vanilla, and it was enough to make him think that maybe Pretty Girl had a point. When he reached the front of the line, he ordered half a dozen cupcakes before he remembered that he shared a room with the biggest sweet tooth on the campus.

"Hey, make that a full dozen," he told the girl behind the counter. 

While she wrapped up his order, Chad turned to look around the place. It wasn't big—just a few tables, each of them occupied, and Chad realized why he hadn't heard of it before. Most of the people there seemed to be a few years older; Chad was clearly on senior territory. 

"I still say you should get on stage with us," a deep voice reached hm over the buzz of chatter in the room. 

"And I say it won’t happen," another voice answered. "I don't do the whole performing shit, Chris."

Chad glanced over to the voices and his breath caught when he saw three men at a table together. Although, to be honest, he really only saw one of them; the guy’s light brown hair was standing up messy spikes, and even from across the room, his eyes were startlingly green. His lips were the same plush shape that Chad had seen so many times before and he was sure that if he walked closer, he would see a dusting of freckles across his face. 

"Holy fucking shit," Chad croaked. 

He was barely aware of throwing the girl behind the counter a few crumpled bills when she handed him his box of cupcakes. One thought circled in his mind as he made his way out of senior territory and back to his own dorm.

_He's real, how can he be real?_

When he reached their room, the cupcakes were all but forgotten; he slammed the door open, causing Jared to jump slightly where he was sitting cross-legged on his bed. 

"Chad?" Jared asked, putting down his ever-present sketchbook. 

"I saw him!" Chad exclaimed as he closed the door. 

"Saw whom?"

"Him!" Chad pointed at the portrait Jared had been working on. "He's fucking real and I saw him!"

_**~Jared~** _

Jared stared at Chad, trying to make sense of his friend’s words; he couldn't wrap his mind around them and came to the obvious conclusion.

"Fuck, Chad," he muttered, looking away. "It's not something to joke about! You know..."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Chad interrupted, his voice rising an octave.

Jared turned back to stare at the other boy; no, he really didn't look like he was joking. Chad was probably the most mellow person Jared had ever met, but at the moment, he was pacing back and forth across the room and his eyes had an almost frantic gleam in them. Jared opened his mouth, trying to form words, but nothing came out; his mind was too much of a mess to put a sentence together. 

"I fucking saw him," Chad said as he sank down on his bed. "How do you explain that, Jay? Are you some kind of stalker? No, scratch that, I know you're not, but...what the fuck? Seriously, what...the fuck?”

"You...no, you can't. It can't be... He...no..." Jared could feel a weight on his chest making it hard to breath. "No, no, no."

"Jared," Chad said. 

The world narrowed to the sound of his own breathing and the rush of blood in his ears. Somewhere around the edges of his consciousness, Jared could hear Chad's voice, but it sounded like it was coming from far away; it took awhile for Jared to realize that the pressure on his shoulder was Chad's hand stroking down his shoulder and back. Jared tried to focus on the touch, to let it ground him, and he could feel his panic slowly retreat until he was actually able to hear what Chad was saying. 

"Shit, Jared, please breathe, please listen to me. Fuck, I should have told you better. Jared, c'mon man, fuck it. Jared!"

The words started to make sense and when his vision swam back into focus, Jared saw Chad's worried blue eyes inches from his own; the other boy was kneeling beside him on the bed and when their eyes met, some of Chad’s worry seemed to melt off him. 

"Thank fuck. Are you back, Jay?" he asked.

Jared blinked a few times and then shook his head, trying to clear it from the weight that seemed to be pressing down on his brain. Chad had said that he had seen... Jared's mind leaped back from the thought and he swallowed down his returning panic. 

"You saw him?" Jared forced out; he could hear confusion and an edge of panic in his voice.

Chad sighed and sat back on the bed. He reached out for Jared’s sketchbook and looked down at the picture. 

"He looks just like this," he said. "I mean, it's not like he reminded me of this guy...he was this guy. No doubt about it."

Jared reached out and traced the outline of the face he had drawn. Looking down at the pattern of freckles across the man's nose, he still felt like screaming, crying, anything, but he knew that there was only one way to go. 

"I need to see him."

~*~

Jared sat at the small table, clutching his sketchbook hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. It was only willpower that prevented him from getting up and leaving the coffee shop; well, willpower and Chad, who sat across him from the table with a half-eaten cupcake in front of him.

"Jay, we don't need to do this," Chad said in a low voice. 

"What do you want me to do, Chad? Pretend like nothing happened? Pretend like I don't know that the person I've been seeing in my mind is real?"

Chad sighed and picked some crumbs off the cupcake, chewing them slowly as he kept an eye squarely on the door. Jared had deliberately sat down with his back to the door; he thought that staring at every customer who entered the shop might make things a bit awkward. And it wasn't like he even really needed Chad to tell him when the man in question walked in; when his friend’s eyes went wide, it gave Jared all the information he needed. He was just about to turn around when Chad hissed at him. 

"Jared! Fuck, can you at least try to be discrete?"

Jared froze and glared at Chad, waiting for a sign that it was okay to turn around as his whole body tensed in anticipation. Part of him still thought Chad must have made it all up; the man couldn't be real, could he? Then Chad gave a small nod and Jared tried to glance behind him as discretely as possible, but the second he saw the man, his mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. He spun around and stared at Chad. 

"It's him!"

"I know!” Chad said. “That's what I said." Jared could see his eyes follow the man's movements. "Huh, your drawings didn't do justice to his bowlegs."

Jared glared as Chad tilted his head to the side. Jared was only human, discrete or not; he needed to look again. With slow movements, he pushed his napkin off the table and, ignoring the way Chad rolled his eyes, he leaned to pick it up, taking the time to glance over at the man from behind his curtain of hair.

It was him. There was no doubt about it; from his viewpoint, Jared couldn't really see the man’s freckles, but he knew their pattern and he was sure that if he got closer, each little fleck of gold would be exactly where he expected it to be. None of his sketches or drawings had really done justice to the man's beauty. Jared picked his napkin up and sat up, regretfully turning his back to the man; he wasn't even aware that he was slowly shredding the napkin until Chad reached out and took the last piece of it away from him. A small pile of white paper lay on the table in front of him. 

"Jay, c'mon, talk to me.”

Jared opened his mouth, but just then, the man walked past them, so close that only inches remained between his leg and Jared's arm where it rested on the table. 

"Hey, Jenny," came a call from somewhere behind Jared. 

Jared's mind flashed back to the two men in the library, to the name that had been stuck in his mind ever since; when the green-eyed man stopped and turned around, Jared wasn't surprised.

"Fuck you, Chris," the man called back but a wide grin lit up his face. "It's Jensen, but hey...from you, I would also accept Sir."

As the man spoke, Jared felt something warm unfurl inside of him, a feeling of rightness and home that he couldn't fit with the snarky tone of the man's—Jensen's—voice. Chris came into view and Jared recognized him from the library, recognized his short brown hair and broad chest tapering off to slim hips. His ice-blue eyes sparkled as he slung an arm around Jensen's shoulders and pulled him towards a newly vacated table. 

Jared stayed at the coffee shop far too long. Even after Jensen and his friends had left, Jared sat there, nursing his now cold latte, until the looks from the two girls behind the counter scared him away. That night, when he closed his eyes, the face he had seen for years came into view, but it was different; subtle changes made it look more real than it ever had before.

~*~

Over the following weeks, Jared became a regular at the coffee shop. He sat with his sketchbook and tried to blend into the background. He learned a few things during the quiet hours: He learned that he should never have more than two lattes at one time or Chad would end up strangling him someday, but more importantly, he learned that Jensen was four years older than Jared, that his last name was Ackles, and that he was studying to become a physical therapist. It was amazing how much he could learn if he was just willing to listen. The last thing Jared learned was that if he wanted to keep on fueling his new-found love for coffee and cupcakes, he would need a job.

Jared sat with the classifieds open in front of him, chewing on the cap of his Sharpie while he read through them in search of something, anything; the task seemed more and more daunting as days went by without any results. His coffee sat half forgotten beside him on the table until one of the girls working the counter walked by and offered him a refill.

"Oh," Jared said, looking at the cold coffee. "I guess I forgot about that.”

The girl smiled and looked down at the paper in front of him, taking in the few circled ads that he already had crossed over again.

"Hey," she said. "If you're looking for work, you should talk to Misha."

Jared frowned. Despite the fact that the coffee shop was called ‘Misha's Beanstalk’—a name that still made Jared snort—he had never actually seen the mysterious Misha. 

"So there really is a Misha?" he asked. 

"Yeah, but he keeps back there," she said, nodding at the closed-off kitchen area. "He's the one making the cupcakes."

"I might be in love with him!" Jared exclaimed. 

"You and me both," the girl—Anna, according to her name tag—said. "But really, you should talk to him, I know he's been planning to hire.”

Anna took him into the kitchen where a brown-haired man was adding frosting to a new batch of cupcakes. He didn't look up as they entered, but apparently he heard them; he started speaking.

"I think we should add a new hot drink to the menu," he said. "Chocolate, with chili and marshmallows. But I can't come up with a name."

"Uh...you know I can't come up with names,” Anna said. “The whole 'Hot Cream Pie' thing should be evidence enough."

Jared's snort had Misha looking up from his cupcakes, but he didn't seem surprised to find Jared standing there.

"Is this the Sasquatch you girls've been on about the last few weeks?" Misha asked. 

Anna turned deep red and refused to look at Jared while Misha grinned and winked at him. Jared was a bit stunned and he could feel himself blush, but he tried to collect himself.

"Anna said you might be looking to hire," he said. 

"I might," Misha agreed. "Come up with a name for my drink and we can talk.”

Jared stared at him, his mind frantically searching for anything resembling a name the strange man might be satisfied with, but he couldn't find anything; he blurted out the first words that came to his mind.

"Mishmallow?"

Misha burst out laughing so hard he was almost doubled over; Anna was leaning against the door, giggles shaking her whole body. Jared grinned a bit sheepishly as they tried to calm down. 

"Mishmallow," Misha sputtered. "Consider yourself hired."

_**~Jensen~** _

"Huh, looks like Misha hired someone new," Chris said as they stopped outside Misha's Beanstalk.

They all looked through the window and Jensen couldn't help smiling when he saw the tall figure behind the counter; apparently Katie was showing him the espresso machine.

"It's Dimples," he said before he could stop himself. 

Both Chris and Steve turned to look at Jensen with raised eyebrows and Jensen felt himself blushing as he looked down at his feet. He knew it was a losing battle to try and keep anything from his friends, especially after he had already let himself slip. 

"Dimples?" Steve asked searchingly. 

"He usually sits a few tables over, drawing, I think, and..."

"He’s got dimples," Chris said when Jensen fell silent. 

"Yeah," Jensen said. He could feel himself smiling again. "I saw them when he got his coffee from Katie awhile back."

"Oh, I see," Chris said. Jensen could hear his smirk. 

Sure enough, when he looked up, both his friends were grinning at him; Chris threw an arm around his shoulder. 

"So Jenny’s got a crush," Chris said. 

"I—no...” Jensen muttered. “It's not... I just noticed him."

Thankfully, Chris and Steve settled for knowing smiles, and when Chris pushed the door open to let the other two file past him, Jensen could feel himself relax as the warm and familiar smell of the coffee shop reached him. When he walked closer to he counter, he could feel the tall boy’s eyes on him; looking up, he was surprised to see the guy blush and quickly look away. A small hope rose inside of Jensen; maybe the guy had noticed him back?

"Hey, a new beanstalk," Chris said, approaching the counter.

"Chris, stop calling us beanstalks," Katie said from where she was cleaning the big espresso machine’s steam wand. "I swear, somebody needs to make Misha change the name."

"That won't happen," Steve said. "And I'm with Chris, you're all Misha's beanstalks!"

Katie gave him the finger before she started filling the coffee grinder with beans.

"This is Jared," she said, nodding at the tall guy. "Still no Jack, but at least now we’ve got a giant."

Jensen laughed with his friends and tried to not think about how adorable Jared looked as his blush darkened. 

"Katie’s been lobbying for ages for Misha to hire someone named Jack," Chris said to Jared. "Apparently it would be hilarious for some guy to greet customers: 'Hello, I'm Jack, and welcome to the Beanstalk,' even though I think the name is funny enough as it is."

Jared looked a bit stunned; Jensen could understand why. Chris had a tendency to forget the whole 'getting to know each other' phase and skip straight to the ‘random statements’ phase. Jensen pushed past his friends and leaned on the counter. 

"What my friend meant to say, of course, was: can we order?" Jensen said with what he hoped was a comforting smile. 

To Jensen’s surprise, Jared blushed even more, and when he opened his mouth, not a single word came out. He cleared his throat and gave a shaky smile in return. 

"Welcome, and what can I get you?"

"The Mishmallow!" Katie piped up behind him. 

"The what now?" Chris, Steve and Jensen said in unison. 

Jared and Katie looked at each other and started laughing; the laughter cut dimples deep into Jared's cheeks, but Jensen could still see a blush colouring his ears slightly pink.

"Hot cocoa with chili and marshmallows," Jared said.

"Jared named it," Katie filled in. "That's how he got the job."

Hot cocoa wasn't really Jensen's thing; he was addicted to coffee and quite proud of it, but he ignored that for the moment and smiled at Jared.

"Well then, a Mishmallow it is," he said.

~*~

Two days later, Jensen returned to the coffee shop, alone this time because, frankly, he'd had enough of Chris and Steve's teasing, and maybe he was hoping that Jared would be there. He hesitated a second before he pushed the door open, the happy chime of the bell hanging over the frame announcing his presence; sure enough, behind the counter, Jared turned around to look at him. Jensen's friendly smile was met with an already-familiar blush. Jensen had watched Jared the last time he had been in the coffee shop and gotten the sense that he was already popular; Jared was all friendly smiles and dimples towards the costumers, except when his gaze flickered over to Jensen. Then a blush stained his cheeks and the young man fell silent. Jensen found it intriguing.

"Morning, Jared," Jensen said as he walked over to the counter. 

It was the first time he had seen Jared at the shop early, or maybe he just hadn't noticed him before. Jensen pre-caffeine wasn't always the most observant guy. When Jared gave him a shy smile, Jensen thought that seeing Jared first thing in the morning might be an even better pick-me-up than coffee. 

"Morning, Jensen," Jared said softly. "What can I do for you? I mean, get you... What can I get you?"

A few vivid images popped into Jensen's mind and his mouth felt dry, but he pushed them aside for later.

"Espresso, to go," he said and after a moment’s hesitation. "Make it a double."

Jared nodded and turned away from Jensen to focus on the big, shiny espresso machine; Jensen could smell the fresh coffee and couldn't keep from moaning at the rich scent. When Jared handed over his drink, Jensen closed his hands around it with a happy smile, but he saw that Jared was an even deeper shade of pink than he had been taking Jensen’s order.

"You really like your coffee, eh?" Jared asked.

Jensen could only nod as he inhaled the savory aroma. He lifted the cup to his mouth and sealed his lips to the small opening in the lid. 

"I dunno if it counts as 'to go' if you're drinking it at the counter," Jared said in a strained voice. 

When Jensen looked up from his coffee, he realized that Jared's gaze was locked on his lips; without thinking, Jensen flicked his tongue out and licked off the crema there. The small hitch in Jared's breathing stayed in Jensen's mind for the rest of the day.

~*~

"Jesus," Chris growled. "Can you _please_ just get it over with?"

Blushing, Jensen turned to make sure Jared hadn't heard anything; the guy was busy talking to Anna about something that seemed to have something to do with a big coffee, whipped cream, and sprinkles. Jensen decided he didn't need to know. 

"It's not that easy," he protested quietly, still eyeing Jared surreptitiously. 

"You like him," Chris gritted out. "I mean, you’ve barely heard a word I've said, what with all the eye fucking. Man up and give it a go!"

"Chris, there are loads of people here, I can't just ask him out!"

"Sure you can," came Katie's voice from right behind him. Jensen almost crawled out of his own skin. 

"The fuck’re you doing?" Jensen groaned, shooting a glare at a laughing Chris. "Don't scare me like... Wait, what?"

"That squeak of yours? Very manly, Ackles." Katie smirked. "And sure you can ask Jared out; the way you two have been sneaking glances at each other, I would say it's about time!"

Jensen looked back and forth between them. Chris looked back with his eyebrow raised and Katie almost bounced where she stood, coffee from the cup in her hand sloshing over the rim and dripping down on the floor.

"You think he would..." Jensen started.

"Yes!" Chris and Katie said together.

"Fine!" Jensen muttered, getting up from his chair. "I'll do it, but if he turns me down, you'll owe me coffee for life, Katie!"

"Well, lucky for me, he won't." Katie grinned. 

Jensen tossed her one last withering glare before he walked over to the counter. Jared's blush when he saw Jensen was adorable, and somehow it made Jensen feel a lot better. 

"Hey Jared," he said as he leaned against the counter. 

"Jensen," Jared said. Jensen saw the way Jared's gaze flickered down to his lips. 

"Uhm..." Jensen started, but he quickly fell silent. 

"What are you, Ackles, man or mouse?" Katie said, pushing past him to get behind the counter. 

Jared frowned at her before he looked back at Jensen, then over to Chris, who was watching them from across the room. Jensen swallowed and forced his words out. 

"So, my friend there thinks, and Katie agrees that...maybe you... I mean..."

Jared stared at Jensen with wide eyes, his adorable blush deepening with each word Jensen managed to get out. 

"That I what?" Jared asked, barely more than a whisper. 

"That you might say yes if I asked you to go out with me."

_**~Jared~** _

Jared walked across the sprawling campus without any conscious thought; his feet took him down a familiar path between buildings and over green lawns. By the time he got to his own dorm, he was way past 'freaking out' and edging very close to 'hysterical.' When he got to his room, he closed the door and sank back against it, trying to stop his hands from trembling.

Chad looked up from where he lay sprawled across his bed, one eyebrow arched up and almost disappearing under his blond hair. 

"Jay?" he asked with a frown. "What's up?"

Jared just stared at Chad, unable to wrap his mind around a response. Chad's eyes widened and he got up. 

"Jeez, what happened?" Chad asked. "You've been all torn up since you got that job, but seriously, what the fuck? You're shaking!"

"Jensen," Jared managed to get out. 

"Jensen what?"

Chad crossed the floor and put his hands on Jared's shoulders; the touch sent a shiver down Jared's spine as Chad pushed him towards his bed. Jared sank down on it gratefully, his legs unable to support him anymore.

"Jensen what?" Chad repeated. "Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea, you working there."

"He asked me out," Jared said. 

Chad gaped at him. Under different circumstances, Jared would have found it funny; as it was, he pretty much understood how Chad felt because it was the same way he had been feeling since he left the Beanstalk. Chad seemed as unable to speak as Jared had been a minute ago. 

"I said yes," Jared added.

"Jay..." Chad mumbled. 

Jared hated the soft tone, the way he could feel Chad's worry and something that sounded too much like pity. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the bed with a sigh. He understood Chad's worry, he really did, but faced with Jensen's green eyes, the same green eyes he had been looking at his entire life, there had only been one answer Jared could give.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Chad asked. 

Jared huffed out a weak laugh and covered his face with his arm. 

"Probably not," he muttered. "But it wasn’t like I could say no."

"No," Chad said. "I guess you couldn't."

~*~

Jared let his chisel work away at the stone in front of him without really thinking about what he was doing. The huge piece was gradually molding into something else, something that he knew would look distinctly human once he was done. It still surprised him that he could shape stone, and it surprised him even more that he was _good_ at it. 'God-given talent,' his teacher had called it. Jared didn't know what to call it himself; sometimes he didn't even think he was really creating anything. It felt more like he was just scraping off the top to reveal what had been waiting underneath the entire time.

"Jared, I need to lock up soon," his teacher called out. 

Looking around, Jared realized that he was alone in the studio except for Mr. Manners, who was leaning against the door frame. Jared got up from where he had been hunched over at the base of the statue. 

"Yeah, okay, I'm just gonna..."

"Jared, leave it. It's Friday evening, we can clean this place up come Monday," Mr. Manners said with a grin. "You're a teenager, don't you have better stuff to do?"

Jared's insides turned to ice. Friday night. One look at the clock told him that Jensen would be picking him up in a little over an hour. He barely took the time to call good-bye to his teacher before he grabbed his messenger bag and started running towards his dorm.

He slammed the door open, thankful that Chad wasn't anywhere in sight. Jared was doing a pretty good job of freaking the fuck out on his own without Chad there to ask him how he was doing. Dumping his bag on the floor and grabbing a towel, Jared ran towards the showers, silently cursing to himself as he went. The warm water removed the stony dust from his skin and hair but did nothing for the tension in his body; by the time he was back in his room and rummaging for clothes, he was shivering from more than just the dampness of his skin.

Jared's hair wasn't really dry when a knock sounded on the door, loud in the empty room; for a few moments, he felt like he couldn't breathe. He looked around the room and his panic flared high when he saw his sketchbook on the bed, opened to a recent drawing of Jensen; he quickly flipped it shut and hid it under the mattress before he went to open the door. 

"Hey," Jensen said, smiling at Jared. 

"Hey," Jared said, feeling a familiar blush heat his cheeks. "I'm...uh..."

To his surprise, Jensen took a step forward and pulled Jared into a warm hug; the feel of Jensen pressed against him and his warm smell had Jared relaxing for the first time since he had said yes to the date. When Jensen pulled back, Jared could see a slight flush on his cheeks as well, and that calmed Jared down even more. 

"So, you wanna..." Jensen nodded towards the still-open door. 

"Yeah, I...yeah..." Jared said. He pulled on his jacket before following Jensen outside. "What do you have planned? I mean, we didn't...decide. And I..."

Jared sighed and looked down at his feet as they started walking down the corridor. He hated how he got all tongue tied around Jensen, but everything still threw him for a loop. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he was out on a date with _Jensen_. Jensen, who had been a part of Jared's life for as long as he could remember.

"Cinema," Jensen answered. "There's this movie... I heard it was good and...I just... If you don't want to, we..."

"I want to."

~*~

Jared was very aware of Jensen's closeness when they sat down in the theatre. A big bucket of popcorn balancing on Jensen's lap; just the thought of reaching out to grab some had heat pooling in Jared's belly.

"So, a sports movie?" Jared whispered when the commercials started rolling. 

"Yeah," Jensen said. "I guess so, but give it a chance, it's supposed to be awesome."

Jared nodded, even though he doubted that Jensen could see him in the theater’s dim light. He actually had heard about the movie and would probably have asked Chad to go see it if Jensen hadn't brought him. When the movie started, he could feel Jensen press his arm against Jared's, his leg touching Jared's in a way that made it pretty clear that he hadn’t done it by accident. Only the brilliance of the movie allowed Jared to focus on it instead.

When T.C. William's Titans danced their way into the stadium, Jared could hear Jensen hum along with the team, ' _We are the Titans, the mighty mighty Titans_.' It made Jared smile, soothing his nervous mind enough that when Jensen's fingers twined with his, he didn't even think about pulling away.

What Jared hadn't expected was the scene that made his breath catch and his insides turn to ice. He smiled with the characters, happy for the win they were celebrating, but then came the roar of an engine, the way the man was still looking at his friends as the car sped down the street. The truck came as no surprise to Jared, the way it smashed into the smaller car and sent it spinning, but the sound of crunching metal sent him back eight years. He heard the low words of 'no no no,' but it took him awhile to realize they were coming from his own lips and that the weight on his leg was Jensen's hand. Jensen was leaning in against him, and from that close distance, Jared could see worry in the older man's eyes. 

"Jared, what is it?” Jensen asked. “C'mon, you're scaring me." He squeezed Jared's hand tight.

Jared was unable to answer; his legs barely held him up as Jensen pulled him out of his chair and dragged him through the door into the abandoned foyer. The smell of popcorn was swept away by the memory of burning rubber, warm metal and petrol; then came a metallic smell that made Jared's belly churn. 

"Fuck, fuck, Jared, what is it? What happened? Jared? Please, talk to me."

Jared heard the voice, heard the words, but they didn't mean anything to him. He was back in the mangled car wreck, the scrape of metal against metal grating on his ears. 

"Jared," the voice returned. " _Please_!"

The thing that slowly brought him back to reality was a press of something soft against his lips, something unfamiliar but so _right_ that it made his heart clench.

_Jensen_.

The name made the smells fade away and behind his closed eyelids, Jared could see green eyes. The same eyes that had carefully watched over him while he was growing up, always the last thing that Jared saw before sleep claimed him. 

_Jensen_.

The name flashed like neon sign in his mind and Jared gasped for breath; with the fresh air came the smell of popcorn, replacing the last lingering remnants of blood and petrol. Deep down, Jared knew he wasn't in the car anymore, that he wasn't ten years old, scared and in pain.

_Jensen_. 

The name wasn’t as familiar as the eyes, but it was still soothing enough for Jared to open his eyes. The green eyes were still there, so close that Jared could easily see the flecks of gold in them. Jared's gaze fell to Jensen's lips and with a sudden clarity, he realized what the pressure against his lips had been. The surprise snapped him out of his lingering memory-induced panic and he gaped at the man in front of him.

"You kissed me, " he said with amazement. 

Jensen blushed and started pulling away, his gaze flickering away from Jared's. 

"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't know what to do and I thought... I don't know what I thought."

Before the man could pull away further, and before he could second guess himself, Jared leaned in and pressed his lips against Jensen's. A small surprised gasp escaped Jensen and Jared felt the other man's lips part beneath his own.

Jared's mind was spinning. He couldn't grasp the fact that he was _kissing Jensen_ , and that Jensen was kissing him back. Jensen's smaller physique didn't stop him from pinning Jared against the wall as the kiss turned deeper. Jared wasn't aware how long they stood there, tongues sliding against each other until Jared's heart started beating faster for a different reason than before. When Jensen pulled away, it was slow; he took a few last licks and soft bites at Jared's lower lips before stepping back. 

"That was... Wow..." Jensen mumbled, a small smile on his kiss-swollen lips. 

"You're the best comfort ever," Jared said before he could think about how the words sounded. 

Jensen's cheeks turned pink, but the smile stayed on his lips and he stepped back in for another kiss, slow and exploring. His hands came up to cradle Jared's face.

"Maybe we should go somewhere that...isn't here," Jensen said against Jared's lips. 

Jared realized that the movie would be over soon and the foyer, currently abandoned, would fill with people. Whatever it was between them, Jared wanted to keep it without a crowd around to shatter it. Without another word, Jensen grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the theatre; the cold night air came as a surprise to Jared, clearing his mind, and he stopped mid-stride. The shiver that ran down his spine had nothing to do with the temperature around them.

"I'm... Fuck, I'm so sorry," he said, his eyes fixed on his own feet.

He heard Jensen stop and saw him walk closer to stand beside Jared; one hand reached out to push Jared's head up, forcing him to look at Jensen. 

"Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about," Jensen said softly. 

"I don't do that," Jared said as he tried to twist his head away. "I don't...break down in front of people I don't know. I'm not weak."

"Jared," Jensen said.

He didn't say anything else. Instead, he closed the distance between them and kissed Jared again, so sweet that it made something inside of Jared ache. It was weird and familiar at once, just as everything seemed to be when it came to Jensen.

"Is it still comforting?" Jensen asked when he had pulled away. 

Jared could only nod; Jensen smiled and took Jared's hand in his again. They walked silently for a few minutes before Jensen spoke again. 

"I get if you don't want to talk about it, but if you ever do..."

He drifted off into silence, but Jared head heard the 'I'm here for you' loud and clear. Jared didn't talk about it—he hadn't even told Chad much about what had happened, but this was _Jensen_ , and for some reason Jared _wanted_ to talk, to trust in Jensen. 

"It was a car crash," Jared said, his grip on Jensen’s hand tightening. "I was ten."

Jensen stepped closer, the warmth of his body seeping through their clothes where their arms pressed together; he remained silent, waiting for Jared to be able to continue. Jared swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. 

"I was..." Jared didn't know how to phrase it. "There's only me... They all died..."

Beside him, he heard Jensen’s gasp, but he couldn't stop; if he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to tell his story again, and he needed it to be told.

"It was me, my mom and dad, and..." He broke off when he realized he was about to say his siblings’ names for the first time in eight years. "And Megan and Jeff..."

The silence stretched out between them and they walked side by side, fingers still entwined. Jensen squeezed his hand for a moment in silent encouragement. 

"Mom, Dad, and Megan died right there, when the truck slammed into our car,” Jared said. “Jeff was in a coma for two weeks, and then he...died." It was hard to get the words out, but Jared pushed on. "The movie, I... It just...fuck... This was not how I imagined this night would go."

"Well, we did get to the kissing," Jensen said, pushing in for a quick peck on Jared’s lips. 

To his surprise, Jared felt himself smile; he caught himself chasing Jensen's mouth when the other man pulled back. They walked the rest of the way to Jared's dorm in silence, hands clasped together; for something so new, it should have been awkward, but instead it just felt like something that always should have been.

_**~Jensen~** _

One week had passed since their first messy date and despite the rocky start, Jensen thought it was one of the best weeks he could remember. Maybe he was a big sap, but the smile on Jared's face when Jensen had walked through the door to Misha's Beanstalk the next morning had been heartwarming; Jensen hadn't even given it a second thought before he leaned in across to counter, angling for a kiss that Jared seemed more than willing to give him.

"You should come over tonight," Jensen said Friday afternoon after he bought his after-school coffee and one of Misha's cupcakes. "I could make dinner."

"Oh, Jensen, are you trying to woo me?" Jared asked with a grin.

"Yeah, but don't go expecting flowers or a serenade," Jensen said with a matching one.

"Flowers I can live without, but I wouldn't mind you serenading me,” Jared said. “Chris says you can sing."

Jensen turned around to glare at Chris, who sat with Steve at their usual table. His friend just grinned and called out.

"With Jared on my side, I _will_ get you on that stage, Jennyboy!"

Jensen huffed and turned his glare towards Jared, but the younger man just smiled, dimples flashing. There just wasn't any resisting those dips in Jared's cheeks; Jensen sighed. 

"Okay, so, beer and serenading?" he muttered. 

"It's a date!"

~*~

Jensen had most of the vegetables chopped and ready, the wok heating up before he added the oil and vegetables, when the doorbell rang. He looked around the kitchen one more time before he moved into the hallway, reaching for the door handle when the bell rang again. He knew he was smiling happily when he opened the door to find Jared standing outside, dressed in faded blue jeans that clung to his hips, a grey tee that fell perfectly from his broad shoulders, and a green jacket that Jensen was just dying to pull off him. Jensen felt his mouth go dry as his gaze traveled down Jared's body.

"Um, hi," Jared said.

Jensen's gaze snapped up to his face; he could see Jared blushing slightly at how blatantly Jensen was checking him out.

"Wow, you look..." Jensen reached out to pull Jared inside. 

The second the door closed, he pushed Jared up against it and licked his way into Jared's mouth. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen's waist, pulling him closer.

"I take it you like my clothes? I’m not too casual?" Jared smiled when they pulled apart.

Jensen looked down his body again and licked his lips slowly.

"Uh huh, they’re...nice clothes," he said. "Let's get into the kitchen before I forget all about making you dinner."

"I kinda like your clothes too," Jared said with a lazy drawl. 

Jensen looked down at himself and turned deep read when he realized he was still wearing the stupid apron Chris had given him the year before; the words 'Orgasm Donor' were emblazoned in bold letters across his chest. He had put it on to protect his black jeans and green tee from any stains and forgotten all about it when the doorbell rang. 

"I...uh..." Jensen fumbled. "I blame Chris. Everything bad and embarrassing in my life is because of Chris."

"Chris? He’s the one who forced you to ask me out," Jared said. 

"Well, he’s got his moments," Jensen admitted, looking up at Jared with a smile. "We’ve gotta get to the kitchen before I start living up to my apron instead of cooking."

Jensen walked into the kitchen, his bare feet cool against the wooden floor, and heard Jared toe his sneakers off before he followed. Jared leaned against the counter and watched as Jensen finished trimming the cauliflower and dropped it into the heated wok before he started peeling the mushrooms with practiced ease. Jensen didn't think twice about it until he heard Jared snort beside him. 

"What?"

"You peel mushrooms?" Jared said with a giggle.

Jensen looked down at his pile of mushroom skins and then back at Jared.

"Yeah, ‘cause they're dirty," he explained. 

"That's why normal people wash them," Jared laughed. 

"They get soggy if you wash them," Jensen protested, which only made Jared laugh even more. "Oh, shut up, or you won't get any food!"

Jared snorted but watched in silence as Jensen added chili and mushrooms to the food already in the wok. At Jensen’s request, he walked over to the fridge and got them each a cold beer. 

"So you share this place with Chris?" Jared said as he looked around the kitchen.

"Yeah, we shared a room our first year of college and after that, it just seemed to make sense to share this place," Jensen said as he chopped some fresh coriander. "It's not too bad, he's over at Steve's a lot, practising for their band or writing lyrics or getting high. Or all of the above."

"Ah, so that's where you sent him off tonight?"

"Nah, he had a date with..." Jensen stopped, frowning. "Actually, I don't know. That's weird, he usually tells me all the details about the people he goes out with. Too many details, in fact. Huh."

"People? Not...girls?" Jared asked, pushing himself up on the counter.

"Both. Chris isn't the picky kind." Jensen smiled. "I prefer to stick with one gender, guys are hard enough—yes, pun intended—and I don't need to try to understand girls as well. Hey, grab a couple of plates from the cupboard behind you, I'll just add some soy sauce to this and it’ll be ready to eat."

Jensen poured the water off the rice noodles before he dumped them over the stir fry and mixed it all together, the blend of fragrances filling the kitchen; he laughed when he heard Jared's belly rumble.

"I hope you don't mind, but I thought we could watch a movie while we were eating?" Jensen said as he doled out the stir fry on the plates Jared was holding.

~*~

Jensen paused the movie and took their empty plates to the kitchen; he returned with two beers, smiling as Jared rubbed his belly with a contented sigh. When he sat back down again, he pushed his bare feet under Jared's thigh and Jared smiled shyly as he put one of his hands on Jensen's ankle, rubbing over the bare skin. They watched the rest of the movie in silence; if anyone had asked him about it afterwards, Jensen wouldn’t have been able to comment on the plot, but he would have been able to describe at length what Jared looked like in the dim glow of the screen, and how the tips of his fingers felt against Jensen's skin.

When the end credits started to roll, he didn't think twice before moving over to push Jared down onto his back on the couch. The younger man went willingly, his legs falling apart to make room for Jensen. When their bodies were pushed together, thigh against thigh, hip against hip, Jensen couldn't stop the small moan that escaped him before their lips met. 

When Jensen pushed his fingers through Jared's soft hair and rolled his hips down against Jared, the response was instantaneous. Jared groaned, his tongue sliding in between Jensen's lips and his big hands coming up to rest on Jensen's hips, pushing him down as he arched up. Jensen was already rock hard, his jeans almost painfully tight against his erection. Through the double layer of denim, he could feel Jared against him, just as hard. Their kisses turned deep and wet, the rolling of their hips harder, and Jensen wasn't sure who was making the needy noises that filled the room. 

"Jensen," Jared gasped. Jensen silenced him with another deep kiss and a snap of his hips.

Jared's hands slid from Jensen’s hips to cup his ass, his wide palms fitting perfectly into Jensen’s back pockets; the touch sent new sparks of pleasure through Jensen and he felt his orgasm starting to build. They weren't really kissing anymore, just sharing breaths as their bodies moved together, seeking more friction. 

Jensen came hard, Jared's name on his lips; the scorching pleasure was enough to make his vision white out and he pushed down against Jared, their perfect rhythm dragging out his orgasm. He opened his eyes just in time to see Jared come apart beneath him, his mouth forming a perfect 'o' and his body arching and bucking beneath Jensen's, delicious moans and whimpers spilling from his lips. 

They came back down slowly, breaths calming and heartbeats returning to normal as they traded lazy kisses. 

"Stay the night," Jensen murmured. 

He could feel Jared turn rigid below him; when he looked down, Jared was biting his lip, his multicoloured eyes full of hesitation. Jensen suddenly realized how his words must have sounded.

"No, wait," Jensen said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that... I don't expect you to— Just to sleep, Jared. I want to...fall asleep with you."

Jensen blushed at his own words, but the happy smile on Jared's lips was worth it. When he fell asleep wrapped in Jared's arms, he knew he would probably be saying a lot more sappy things in the future.

~*~

"...and bring that boyfriend of yours," Steve said.

The words brought Jensen out of his daydreams and he looked up to see his friends eyeing him with knowing smiles.

"What?" he asked, a bit stunned. 

"Jared, your boyfriend," Steve repeated. 

"My...?" Jensen said weakly. 

"Jensen, you moron," Chris said with a sigh. "You two _hold hands_ , for crying out loud, of course he's your boyfriend!"

Jensen looked back and forth between them, his stunned expression slowly slipping away. It wasn't that he minded the thought of Jared as his boyfriend; he just hadn't really given it much thought. He was grinning before he even realized it. 

"I've got a boyfriend," he said, his grin widening. 

Chris and Steve started laughing; Chris reached out to pat Jensen on the shoulder.

"You’re lucky you’re pretty," he said with a smirk.

Jensen couldn't even find it in him to glare at Chris. Instead, he fished his phone out of his pocket to invite Jared to whatever it was that Steve had been talking about; Jensen didn't really care where he was going as long as Jared was there.

~*~

The party was in full swing by the time Jensen came through the door, Jared and Chad trailing right behind him; he made a beeline for the kitchen without even checking that the others were coming along. Jensen rummaged around in the back of the fridge until he found the Coronas that Steve had promised to stash there for him. Jared smile and grabbed one too, but Chad shook his head.

"Nah, you two can keep that to yourself. I prefer beer that isn't served with fruit in it," he said, reaching past Jensen for Carlsberg. "Plus, this is probably the best beer in the world!"

Both Jensen and Jared rolled their eyes at that, but Chad just grinned at them and the three went to look for Jensen's friends. Jensen wasn't surprised to find them on the back porch, Chris idly strumming a guitar as Steve hummed a familiar tune.

"Welcome to my house," Steve sing-songed when they sat down with the group. 

"No," Jensen said right away. "I'm not singing, so don't even ask." 

"Yeah you are," Jared said, leaning into him. 

"Don't even try to fight it," Chad said. "You know you're no match for his puppy eyes."

"Everybody, meet Chad," Jensen said. "Chad, this is everybody."

"Hey everybody," Chad said, but his eyes were locked with Chris's. 

Jensen frowned as he looked between Chad and Chris, but both men looked away, lifting their beers and taking deep swigs. Looking over at Jared, Jensen saw that his boyfriend wore a frown to match his own, but he shrugged and clinked his bottle against Jensen's.

~*~

Jensen didn't know what time it was when he found himself looking for Jared, but the house was full of people and, despite his considerable height, Jared was proving hard to find. At least, he had been until Jensen heard Chad's voice sounding from behind a closed door.

"...you need to tell him, Jay."

Jensen froze where he was, his hand on the doorknob. He knew he should leave, that the words weren't meant for his ears, but he found himself unable to move. 

"I can't, Chad," Jared answered. "What could I say to make him understand? What could I say that _wouldn’t_ make him leave?”

Jensen frowned at those words. Jared was the sweetest person Jensen had ever met; he couldn't imagine what Jared could have done make Jensen even think about leaving him.

"Jared," he heard Chad sigh. "You really think he would?"

"I dunno, but...Chad..." Jared said. "I think I'm in love with him, I can't risk losing him."

Whatever they said after that, Jensen wasn't aware of it; his mind was too focused on the fact that Jared loved him. As he though about it, there was no doubt in his mind that he loved Jared, too.

~*~

Over the next week, Jensen hoped that Jared would say something, either about whatever he and Chad had been talking about or the whole being in love thing. His anticipation made him watch Jared more closely than he had before, and his belly sank when realization hit him: Jared was clearly hiding something.

There weren't big tells; just the way his eyes flickered away, how he smoothly changed the subject when they were talking about certain things, or the way a blush sometimes crawled up his cheeks for no apparent reason. Worry started to coil in Jensen's belly as the days went by and he started thinking that maybe he should just ask Jared about it all, or maybe he should tell Jared that he loved him and whatever he and Chad had been talking about didn't matter. Except for the fact that it did, and Jensen wanted to know, _needed_ to know, what it was before he took their relationship any further. 

He knocked on Jared's door hard enough to hurt his knuckles, but no one answered; Jensen sighed. He had really been hoping to find Jared home since that he finally gathered enough courage to ask him about what he had overheard. After a few moments’ hesitation, he tried to door handle; the door swung open and Jensen stepped inside. He would wait for Jared to come back; maybe he could get some of his own homework done while he waited.

He was just about to open up his messenger bag when something on Jared's bed caught his attention: His own face looked up at him from a sketchbook that was lying open on top of the covers. Jensen smiled as he picked up the book, flattered by the fact that Jared could draw his face from memory with such accuracy. That was, until he saw the date at the bottom of the page; the drawing had been made a year ago.

Jensen stared at the numbers. No, it couldn't be; he must be reading it wrong. Without thinking, he started flipping through the pages; they were all drawings of him, and they had all been made before he and Jared had met. Hell, they had been made before Jared had even come to the city.

"How... What..." Jensen heard himself mumble.

Then his eyes fell on the bedside table where several other notebooks were neatly stacked. Jensen knew he shouldn't, but his hands moved of their own accord and when he picked them up, he saw that each book was labeled with a year; he took the earliest one, dated eight years ago. 

"Oh God..."

The face that looked up from the pages was his own, but a version of himself that he hadn't seen in years. He felt nauseous when he realized that he must have been around fourteen when the drawing had been done. Each and every one of the sketchbooks were the same: sketches, paintings, and drawings of him, spanning the last eight years. Jensen couldn't stop flipping through them.

The door slammed open and Jensen looked up from where he was standing, one of the sketchbooks in his hands. Jared smiled at him, but the smile wavered when he took in the scene before him.

_**~Jared~** _

A feeling of joy washed over Jared when he opened the door to his room and saw Jensen inside, but the feeling plummeted when he saw what Jensen was holding. Jared stared from the sketchbook in Jensen's hands to the ones spread out across the bed, younger versions of Jensen looking up from the pages.

"Jensen," he gasped.

The look on Jensen's face crushed Jared; his green eyes glistened with unshed tears and he looked utterly betrayed.

"What _is_ this?" Jensen asked, his voice tight with barely-contained anger. "How could you? This...this is fucking _years_ of drawings, _years_."

Jared wished he had an answer; he wished for nothing more than to be able to explain himself, to make Jensen’s hurt look go away. Instead he just stood there, blood rushing in his ears as his heart beat painfully against his chest.

"That's because I've been seeing you for years, for as long as I can remember," Jared said weakly.

Jensen stared at him for a few painfully long seconds. He shook his head like he was trying to clear his mind. 

"You, God... I don't even know you."

Jensen threw the sketchbook down with the others, a disgusted look on his face. He wiped his hands against his thighs like he was trying to get the feel of the book off of himself. Jared reached out without thinking, taking a step forward; Jensen flinched and took a step back. 

"No. You...just...no. You stay away from me, Jared, I don't know what the hell this is," he motioned towards the sketches, "but you...me... We're done."

When he pushed past, Jared tried to grab him, to make him stay, to make him do anything _but_ leave, but Jensen pulled free. 

"Fuck off, Jared, how sick and twisted are you? Just stay the fuck away from me!"

The door slammed behind Jensen hard enough to make the windows rattle and Jared collapsed on the floor, his body shaking with hard sobs.

~*~

"You can't stay inside forever," Chad said.

Jared didn't even bother looking over at him. He stared up at the ceiling, looking for some kind of answer; none came. 

"Jay, you know..."

"Chad, if you say that I should’ve seen this coming, or 'I told you so,' I swear to God, I’m gonna hurt you," Jared said through gritted teeth. 

"I'll get you something to eat," was Chad's response. 

The door clicked shut behind him and Jared sat up, looking around the now-empty room. The room he hadn't left since Friday afternoon when everything had collapsed. A part of him knew that he needed to get to his classes the following day, but he didn't know how he would manage. How he would be able to walk through the door and into the reality that he had lost Jensen. He looked down at the floor beside his bed where several torn-up drawings still lay scattered; he picked one up, smoothing out the rumpled paper, and looked down at the smiling face. A hard sob tore through him and he ripped the drawing into pieces. 

He was brought back to reality when he heard angry voices just outside the door.

"Fuck you, Chris, you don't know anything," he heard Chad spit out.

"What the hell is there to know? You knew about your boy’s sick obsession and you didn't feel like warning me?" Chris's rough voice shot back.

Jared closed his eyes against the noise. He should have known the fallout would affect their friends too and he felt terrible about it; they had all gotten along really well.

"It's not a sick obsession!" Chad yelled. "And you think Jensen is the only one hurting here? Jared's my best friend, and he's crushed! And no, I didn't fucking think to 'warn you' because it's not my story to tell! If you want answers, Jared is the only one who can give them to you."

"I'm not talking to him!" Chris growled. 

"And I'm not telling you about it," Chad said, his voice barely loud enough for Jared to hear. "I'm sorry, Chris, but this isn't about you, this is about Jared"

If Chris said anything in response, Jared didn't hear it; the next sound was that of Chad opening the door and stepping inside. His eyes locked with Jared's above the containers of food stacked in his hands. 

"You heard," he said when he saw Jared's face. 

Jared could only nod as he pushed himself up against the headboard, making room for Chad to put the containers down and sit at the foot of the bed. The blond boy didn't comment on the scraps of paper littering the floor; when he opened one of the container lids, the smell of fried rice hit Jared and he realized how hungry he was. He had barely eaten anything since Jensen had left two days earlier. 

"What should I do?" he asked, pulling the container closer. 

"I got no idea, Jay." Chad sighed. "I think you need to wait for things to calm down."

~*~

Jared worked his chisel and hammer against the stone, shaping it the way he wanted it and trying to block everything else out. It wasn't as easy as it used to be; before, it had been serenity. Now it was escape.

One month had gone by and all his attempts at contacting Jensen had failed. Jensen’s phone went straight to voicemail and his texts went unanswered; the last time Jared had tried the number, it had been disconnected. It was pretty obvious that Jensen wouldn't give Jared a chance to explain, not that he _could_ explain even if he wanted to. All he wanted was to tell Jensen how sorry he was.

Jared forced himself not to hammer the stone as hard as he wanted it to; he would never forgive himself if he ruined the statue he had been working so carefully on for so long. He looked down at the desk next to the statue and the drawings of Jensen carefully spread out there; remnants he had managed to salvage from all his notebooks. There were new ones as well, but they didn't have the same feel to them and Jared tried to not think of why that was. Tried to forget that since the breakup, he hadn't seen Jensen; not the real version _or_ the version that had been his companion for as long as he could remember. He had never felt so lonely.

"Will you have it done in time?" Mr. Manners asked. 

Jared looked up from where he was working on the statue’s stretched neck, stone cold under the tips of his fingers. 

"Yeah, I will," Jared said, looking at the statue’s face.

"It's gorgeous, Jared," Mr. Manners said with a small smile. "I just hope that whoever he is, he won’t mind having to put himself on display for the entire school to see."

Jared looked up from the drawings of Jensen to the face of the statue, its features clear for anyone to see. He hadn't planned it that way, but after the breakup, he hadn't been able to help himself; he needed to make the statue an everlasting tribute to the time he had spent with the _real_ Jensen, and to the Jensen of his mind who seemed to have abandoned him as well. 

"I hope so too," Jared said with a sigh. He slid his fingers over the stone face.

~*~

"Not that I mind you here working with me," Misha said. "But don't you think you belong at the counter? You're great with people, Jay."

Jared didn't look up from where he was adding sprinkles to the latest batch of cupcakes. It wasn't like they hadn't had this discussion before. 

"Look, Misha, if you want to fire me, I totally understand, but I can't... Not when he..."

"Jay, he hasn't been in here since you two split," Misha said quietly. "None of them have."

Jared stopped and stared at Misha. It hadn't really crossed his mind that Jensen would have stopped coming to the Beanstalk; it had been his place long before it had been Jared’s, and Jared had hidden in the kitchen since the breakup just to make sure Jensen had his space. 

"Not once?"

"No. I'm sorry, Jay, I don't know what happened between you," Misha said, brushing flour from his cheek. "But you need to fucking fix it."

"What?" Jared exclaimed, staring at Misha. "I can't just fix it, he won’t talk to me, it's... It can't be fixed, Misha. It's not as easy as that."

Misha put the frosting bowl down and looked over at Jared, a small frown on his face.

"Easy? You're expecting 'easy'?" he asked. 

Jared looked down at the cupcake he had been working on. It was practically buried in sprinkles; he sighed and tried to brush some of them off. 

"Nothing is easy, Jared," Misha went on. "But some things are worth fighting for. It's up to you to figure out if Jensen is one of those things."

_**~Jensen~** _

It should have been better. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it had that first day, but it did. Not a single day had passed that Jensen didn't miss Jared with every fibre of his being, but he had replayed that last afternoon in his mind time and time again and he couldn't come up with any logical reason that Jared would have those drawings of him, of him as a teenager. The thought of it made Jensen's belly turn unpleasantly; that was probably the reason he deleted Jared's texts unread, removed his voice mails unheard, and even changed his phone number. He just couldn't deal with it, with whatever had happened between them.

"Jenny, c'mon, you need to get out again," Steve said from where he stood at the door. 

Jensen looked up at his friend and sighed. He was starting to get used to it; they had left him alone for the first two weeks, but after that, they had started nagging him to come out with them, to focus on things besides schoolwork. But Jensen couldn't even think about being social, sitting and smiling and pretending everything was fine.

"Jen, please," Steve said quietly.

Jensen heard the worry in Steve's voice and it made guilt churn inside him; he knew that he had shut his friends out, barely leaving his room except for school. The first week after the breakup, Chris had almost had to force-feed him because his appetite had disappeared. 

"Steve, I..." he started, but as he saw Steve's face fall a little, his guilt rose and he found himself saying something he hadn’t planned on. "Yeah, okay, I guess I can come see you play."

Steve's face split into a grin and Jensen forced out a smile of his own; it was small and hesitant, but it was the first one he even tried in a long time.

~*~

The music in the small pub was too loud and the place crowded with too many people wearing too much perfume. Despite all that, Jensen felt at ease, relaxed. Chris put a small tray of shots down on the tale and Jensen reached for a glass at once, slamming it back and grinning as the tequila burned his throat.

"That's my boy," Chris said, slapping him on the back. "Keep downing them like that and I might even be able to get you on stage later."

Jensen slowly raised his hand, looking Chris in the eye, and folding his fingers down until only his middle finger was up. Chris rolled his eyes and raised his own middle finger in return.

By the time Chris and Steve were on stage, Jensen had lost count of how many tequilas and other drinks he had downed, a warm and fuzzy feeling spreading through his limbs. From his table in the corner, he had a good view of the small stage; Chris raised his beer towards Jensen before he grabbed the mic and started singing. 

" _So you're tired and beat_  
And you've worked all week  
And you need a place you can let it go."

Jensen hummed along with the lyrics, feeling more relaxed than he had in over a month. Several songs later, his drink stood forgotten on the table and Jensen knew he was smiling for real for the first time since the breakup. Of course, it couldn't last. 

"Hey," a voice spoke up, close enough to make Jensen jump.

Beside the table stood a blond guy, hair falling down in his eyes and a lazy smile on his lips. His intentions were made quite clear by the way he looked at Jensen, his eyes slowly roaming down his body. Jensen should have felt flattered; the guy was easily the best looking one in the pub, but when his eyes travelled up to Jensen’s face, lingering on his lips, Jensen only felt uncomfortable.

"Is this seat taken?" the guy asked, nodding towards the chair at the opposite side of Jensen’s table. 

Jensen shook his head, unable to speak; the guy smiled wide and put two beers down on the table before he sat down, the graceful movement of his body making Jensen want to pull away. 

"I bought you this, I hope you like it."

He pushed one of the beers across the table and Jensen's hand closed around it; before he had even thought about it, he had it half raised to his lips, the bottle’s perspiration slick against his fingers. Then he saw the label. Corona. It was enough to make everything slam back into him, hard: Memories of him and Jared on the couch, slow, lazy kisses tasting of their favourite beer. He almost dropped the bottle on the table; it wobbled precariously before Jensen stilled it. He couldn't breathe, shivers running through his body, and he stood up so fast that his chair tipped over, hitting the floor hard. Suddenly he realized how quiet the bar was; Chris and Steve had quit their gig. Jensen glanced quickly at the stage and saw them coming down the steps, their eyes already fixed on Jensen and worried looks on their faces. 

"I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry," Jensen mumbled, pushing his way towards the exit. 

He ignored Chris’s call of “Jen”; instead he stumbled outside, gasping when he was met by the cold night air. If he thought it would clear his mind, he was wrong. Another burst of memories hit him hard: The first date with Jared, the way Jared had opened up to him and how much it had meant to Jensen that he had.

Jared. Everything seemed to lead back to his time with Jared. 

He leaned his head against a cold metal lamppost, listening to the ragged sound of his own breathing and the distant chatter and laughter in the pub. The feeling of a hand on his shoulder told him that Chris and Steve had found him, but Jensen didn't look up, didn't want to see more of the worry on their faces. 

"Jensen," Chris said softly.

The obvious care in Chris's voice was worse than worry, and Jensen felt tears burn hot behind his closed eyelids. 

"Why can't I let it go?" Jensen asked, biting back his impending tears. 

"Because you never got closure," Steve answered. "Jen, you need to talk to him again."

"Why? What on Earth could he have to say? That he’s 'seen' me?" Jensen said with a bitter laugh. "I don't need to hear that crap."

He started to walk away without looking at his friends, but he should have known they wouldn't give up that easily; he heard their footsteps right behind him. None of them said anything as they walked back to his and Chris's apartment, and Jensen was thankful for their silence even though he knew it wouldn't last long.

Inside the apartment, he went straight to the couch, sank down on it, and looked at his friends for the first time. They put down their guitars and Steve went for the kitchen; Jensen heard the fridge open and the telltale clink of bottles. Beer: their solution to everything. Jensen would scream if it was Corona.

"Jenny," Chris started, and Jensen couldn't even muster the strength to glare. "I haven't seen you this messed up since...well...ever. Not even when Kevin dumped you our first year out here."

Jensen flinched at the memory. Kevin had been his boyfriend all through high school and the breakup had come out of the blue two months after they had started college. Jensen had been a mess, but Chris was right, it hadn't even been close to what he was feeling now. When Steve returned, he handed Jensen a bottle and Jensen gladly closed his fingers around the cold glass, tilting it to his lips and taking a deep gulp to keep from having to answer Chris. 

"Maybe start small," Steve said as he sat down on the coffee table. "You could start by just seeing him. That art class of his, crazy people cutting stone? They're showing their stuff over in the Master's building, the exhibit opens tomorrow. We could go?"

~*~

Jensen looked through the glass window of the door; he could see quite a big crowd inside, but something kept him from joining them. He bit his lower lip hard, almost expecting to taste blood, but then he felt a presence beside him.

"C'mon, let's go inside," Chris said. He pushed Jensen against the door.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Jensen said, trying to get away.

"Jensen, you _need_ this. I'm not letting you walk away from here."

Jensen was just about to protest some more when he saw a familiar brown-haired, broad-shouldered figure inside; he moved without thinking about it, but not away as he had planned. Instead, he pushed the door open and walked inside. Small statues and figurines were displayed on velvet-covered tables, but Jared didn't really see any of them; at least, not until someone beside him grabbed his arm.

"It's you," a girl said, staring at him. "I can't believe it, wow, he really did a great job capturing you."

Jensen frowned down at her, confused. He was already trying to tug free and get to Jared when the girl went on. 

"I can see why Jared’s obsessed with you, you're gorgeous."

That made Jensen stop. He turned his full attention to the girl in question, a pretty, willowy blond smiling happily at him. 

"What... Capturing me?" he asked. 

"Oh my god, you haven't seen it? I thought he must have shown you, it's the best work here, I can't believe he just started working with stone this fall. The boy’s a natural born talent."

She pulled Jensen with her and he went willingly; whatever it was that she was so eager about, he knew he needed to see it, maybe even more than he needed to talk to Jared. He was in no way prepared for the sight that met him, though.

The statue was huge, taller than he was, and the pure beauty and smoothness of the stone took Jensen's breath away before he realized what he was looking at: Himself. His own body was splayed out before him, laying back on a pedestal with one naked leg raised. A deep blush spread on Jensen's cheeks when his gaze travelled up the statue over the strong muscular legs, the crotch barely covered by a loin cloth perfectly chiseled out of grey stone, the muscled belly and chest, one arm bent up behind its head. Jensen gasped when his eyes landed on the statue’s face, his face. Jensen was sure that if he had been able to, Jared would have even added his freckles. 

"It's beautiful, you're beautiful," the girl beside him said. 

"Jensen."

The voice behind him made him spin around so fast that he almost lost his balance; Jared's hands his shoulders were the only thing keeping him from tipping over.

"The statue," he said weakly, his eyes darting between the statue and the man in front of him. 

Jared let go of him, taking a quick step back, and once again Jensen had to fight to stay balanced; without thinking, he grabbed the statue, his blushing deepening when he realized that his hand had landed on the statue’s naked thigh. He pulled his hand back as if it had burned him. 

"I'm so sorry, Jensen," Jared said quietly. "I should have told you...about the statue, the pictures, about everything."

"I think we need to talk," Jensen mumbled.

Jared looked around the room and it hit Jensen that this was supposed to be Jared's evening, his chance to shine. Jensen shouldn't be there; no matter what had happened between them, Jensen shouldn't ruin this for Jared. But his eyes fell back to the statue, the statue of himself, and when Jared grabbed his elbow and pushed him back outside, Jensen didn't protest. He followed Jared in silence until they reached a deserted common room, sinking down side by side on an uncomfortable couch. 

"I'm so sorry," Jared said again, breaking the silence stretched out between them. 

"I don't... I need to know," Jensen said without looking at Jared. "I can't...put this behind me if I don't know."

In his peripheral vision, he cold see Jared tense up; he heard the hitch in the younger man's breathing and for a second, he wanted nothing more than to reach out to Jared, to tell him everything would be okay. But that wasn't why Jensen was there. He was only there to get the answers he needed. When Jared started talking, Jensen could hear that he was fighting back tears. 

"I can't...explain it all," Jared said, his voice strained. "I don't even know when it started and I..."

"Wait, you said you’ve seen me," Jensen interrupted. "How? When... How?"

"Always? It was just a thing, I didn't even think about it when I was little. I just closed my eyes and there was these eyes, these green eyes that just watched me. I didn't even know that it wasn't normal, I just...assumed that everyone had eyes watching them."

"Jared, that..."

"No, please," Jared said. "Let me talk, I won’t get it all out if you ask questions. Just let me say this?"

Jensen didn't look at Jared; he just nodded and kept his gaze on his hands where they lay folded in his lap. Jared pulled his legs up and wrapped his long arms around them, folding himself into the corner of the couch. 

"You know the accident, I was ten when it happened. Before that, I only ever saw eyes, your eyes...but after, when everyone was gone, I saw a face for the first time. I don't know how, or why, but this face, this kid showed up in my mind and just smiled at me. It was comforting, I clung to it."

Jensen's mind was reeling at Jared’s words. None of it made any sense. People didn't just see faces like that, but Jared sounded so honest when he spoke that Jensen felt inclined to believe him, no matter how insane it sounded. 

"I started drawing pretty soon after that; drawing was something I could always do. Even at the worst of the foster homes, I was always allowed to have pens and paper," Jared said. Jensen could see his fingers pressing into the black fabric of his slacks. "I don't know how, Jensen, I swear I would tell you if I did. But you, you aged with me. You were always a few years older, but I saw you changing, I saw you grow up."

Jared fell silent and Jensen waited a few long minutes for him to start talking again; when it was clear he wouldn't, Jensen asked the question he most needed an answer to. 

"And when you saw me? When we met? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed me?" Jared asked, pain and sadness obvious in his voice. "I never planned for this. It was Chad who saw you, he knew about it all... He was the first person I ever told. You're the second."

For some reason, it stung that Chad had known all along, that Jared had been able to talk to Chad but not to Jensen. 

"He took me to the coffee shop and... God, when I saw you. You were... I don't think you can understand. You, or whatever it was I saw in my mind, had been the only constant thing in my life. I saw you every day and I didn't know you were real. And then there you were, real, flesh and blood and more beautiful than I had thought possible."

"And you just thought that..."

"No, wait," Jared interrupted him. "I never thought anything, I just wanted to see you. But you, you came and talked to me, you asked me out. How was I supposed to say no? I couldn't. And Chad told me I should tell you, but I didn't know how, I didn't know what to say to keep from losing you. So I didn’t say anything."

"Yeah, and that worked out well," Jensen muttered. 

"I know, and I'm sorry. It was never part of the plan," Jared said with a sigh. "I wanted to tell you so badly, but then I fell in love with you... It made everything so much harder."

"I...fuck, I don't know what to say, what to think. Jared, this doesn't make sense!" Jensen buried his face in his hands. 

"I know, believe me, I know," Jared said quietly. "Is there anything I can do? Any way to..."

The question made everything too real for Jensen. He stood up quickly, looking down at Jared where he still sat curled up on the couch. 

"I'm sorry, I... This is just too much, I need to..."

He tried to not see the pain in Jared's eyes at his words, but the younger man kept quiet, watching Jensen walk towards the door. His hand already on the door handle, Jensen stopped and looked back at Jared, biting his lip hard before asking one last question.

"Why did you make the statue?"

"I guess it was my way of keeping you," Jared said without looking at him. "I knew I had lost you... I just wanted something..."

Jensen looked at him, but Jared kept his eyes down; with only a small pause, Jensen left the room without another word.

_**~Jared~** _

Even in his dreams, Jared could hear the door closing behind Jensen, each bang sounding more and more final the longer he thought about it. He didn't know what he had expected, but he guessed that a small, optimistic part of his mind had thought that once he explained the situation to Jensen, things would be better, would be good, but one week had passed without another word from him.

"Jay," Chad said. "You're my best friend, and I like you and all, but you seriously need to get outside and start living again." 

Jared looked up from his sketchbook where a blank page stared up at him and he threw it hard against the wall. He had been unable to paint Jensen since their last meeting. In some ways, it made things even worse; he couldn't talk to Jensen, he couldn't see Jensen in his mind, and he couldn't draw Jensen. Jared hadn't felt so lonely since he lost his family

"I know Chad, I'm just... Not now, okay?" Jared sighed. 

Chad looked at him for a long time, but then he nodded and grabbed his jacket on his way to the door. 

"We're gonna talk about this, Jay, but...I'm heading out, see you Sunday night."

He disappeared through the door, closing it silently behind him, and Jared flopped down on his bed, trying to not think about the fact that he would be left alone all weekend, or the fact that he knew Jensen would fill his mind the entire time. Reaching for a book on his bedside table, he tried to focus on the text and _not_ the green-eyed man, but one hour later, he had only gotten through a few pages and if he was honest with himself, he didn't really have any idea what he had just read. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling, giving up the pretence of doing anything but thinking about Jensen until a knock on the door brought him back to reality. He ignored it, but then the knock sounded again, harder this time, and Jared got out of bed and popped his back as he stretched. He padded across the floor, opening the door to tell whoever was outside to leave him alone.

Then he found himself face to face with Jensen. 

"Jensen," he gasped. 

Jensen shuffled his feet awkwardly and looked around the corridor. Jared could feel the gazes of the other students and a familiar blush crept up his cheeks. 

"I...uhm...can I come in?" Jensen asked, scratching his neck and looking up. 

Jared moved aside to let Jensen in, closing the door behind him. Jensen took a few steps inside before he turned to look at Jared, and Jared's breath caught in his throat. Jensen was standing in the perfect afternoon sunlight shining through the window; it turned his hair soft gold and his skin looked like honey, but what really got to Jared was the nervousness apparent in Jensen’s eyes and in the way he gnawed on his lower lip.

"I don't care," Jensen said softly.

"What?" Jared asked, raising his eyebrow. 

"I don't care," Jensen repeated. "I don't care why you see me in your head. There's no logical reason for it, but I don't care. I just..."

"Jen?" Jared took a step forward. 

"I just miss you so damn much," Jensen said. "So, I don't really care. I just want you back. Please."

Jared felt something warm surge up inside him; he knew that he was grinning widely when he moved the few steps over to Jensen and pressed their lips together, wrapping his arms around him. Jensen's hands came up, tangling in Jared’s hair, and the sting when he tugged Jared close was nothing compared to feeling of having Jensen's lips under his again. 

"I love you," he mumbled against Jensen's soft lips. "I love you so much."

"God, I love you too," Jensen almost growled before he kissed Jared again.

Jensen dropped one hand from his hair and put it against Jared's chest instead, pushing Jared backwards. Jared went with it, willing to do anything as long as it meant that Jensen would keep on kissing him. Then he felt the bed against the back of his legs and all the air was pushed out of him when the two of them fell down on the bed, Jensen on top of him and Jared gasping before he pulled Jensen down for more.

There was a desperate edge to the kisses, licks, and small bites, a need to stake claim that had Jared's blood boiling in his veins. He didn't even think, arching up and wrapping one long leg around Jensen's waist. Low moans filled the room as their bodies convulsed together; when Jensen's hands snaked between them, pulling at the hem of Jared's tee, he didn't even consider stopping him. Instead he pushed Jensen up enough to be able to get his shirt off and to remove Jensen's in turn. 

Sunlight cascaded down over the bed, warm and soft, bringing out Jensen's freckles; small flecks of gold scattered across his nose and cheeks and Jared could only stare. He had spent years painting Jensen, long hours working on the statue, but he knew he would never be able to bring any justice to his real beauty. 

"You’re staring at me," Jensen said with a small smile.

"Yeah," Jared agreed. "I guess I am."

Jensen looked like he was about to say something more, but instead he let one hand move up Jared's chest, trailing over his muscles and warm skin until they circled one nipple; not really touching, but close enough to make Jared to shiver in anticipation. With a smirk, Jensen pulled his hand away and moved until he was straddling Jared's thighs, balancing himself with his hands on Jared's hips; he looked up to meet Jared's gaze. 

"Are you sure?" he asked, the featherlight touch of his fingers moving upwards.

Jared had never been more sure about anything in his life. This was Jensen touching him, Jensen wanting him, Jensen _loving_ him. That didn't mean Jared wasn't nervous, though; moving around from foster home to foster home wasn't really the best way to make friends, or boyfriends. Jared bit down on his lower lip nervously, but he nodded, rolling his hips up against Jensen's fingers to show him just how much he wanted it. Jensen's hands pinned him down and those green eyes stayed locked with his. 

"Jay, have you ever..."

"No, there's never been..." Jared started, cheeks flushing warm.

"Good," Jensen said. "Because you're mine."

The possessiveness of the words sent a shiver down Jared's spine and when Jensen leaned in for another deep kiss, Jared lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jensen's neck; holding him close, he slid his tongue between Jensen's lips, relishing the familiar taste. Jensen's fingers moved over Jared's arms, making him tremble under the warm touch. Jensen followed the contours of his muscles, trailing over his skin and moving up over his shoulders; for a few seconds, Jensen's fingers spanned Jared's neck, and there was something to that touch that made Jared whimper softly. Jensen looked at him, a smile on his lips before his fingers continued to move, sliding over Jared’s collar bone and then down his chest. 

Jensen's fingers circled Jared's nipple, trapping the small nub between between his thumb and forefinger and rolling it softly before leaning down. Jared's eyes popped wide open when he saw Jensen's pink tongue come out and lick over the now-hard nipple. Jensen smiled up against him and the sight took Jared's breath away; Jensen’s plush lips were swollen and wet from the kisses, and his tongue slowly circled over Jared's skin. 

"Jen," Jared moaned.

His whole body was straining to arch up, to feel more of Jensen's skin against his own, but Jensen's hands had moved back up to his shoulders and Jared found himself pinned to the bed as Jensen's warm tongue explored his skin. 

"Shh," Jensen murmured, pressing a soft kiss against Jared's chest. "Gonna make this so good for you." 

Jensen bit down over Jared's ribs and the mingled plain and pleasure had Jared groaning; the softness of Jensen's tongue swiped soothingly over the bite mark. 

"Gonna make you mine, mark you up," Jensen mumbled, biting down again. "Never gonna lose you again, Jay, we belong together."

If Jared's brain had been able to form words, he would have answered, but Jensen's tongue on his skin seemed to have wiped all his knowledge of language away and all that mattered was that Jensen kept on touching him. Jensen let go of his shoulders and stroked down his ribs, down over the sensitive skin of his belly and down over his hips before moving in to pop open the button on his jeans. Eyes still riveted on Jared's, Jensen slid down the taller boy’s body with a fluid motion until his tongue flicked out to drag over the skin just above the waistline of Jared's jeans. 

The touch was like fire and it made the press of his jeans almost unbearable against Jared's hard cock; a low whine left his lips as his hips snapped up. Jensen worked the zipper down and Jared pushed up again, letting his jeans and boxers be pulled down, hissing when the friction against his dick was almost too much to take. Then the fabric was gone and Jensen's hand closed around the base of his cock, fingers pressing down just right to hold back Jared's impending orgasm. 

"Jensen, God, please, need to... Jen, do something," Jared whimpered without being fully aware of the words spilling from his lips. 

Jensen smiled and his soft tongue came out again, licking a stripe from the base of Jared's cock up to the tip where it slowly circled the head, gathering the leaking pre-come. A low moan rumbled through Jensen's chest, vibrations that shot through Jared and made his eyes slide shut at the sudden pleasure.

"So fucking gorgeous," Jensen mumbled. "Stretched out just for me, I love you so much."

Whatever response had been on Jared's tongue was silenced by Jensen's full lips closing around his crown, his tongue sliding over the slit and then down the bundle of nerves on the underside before he slid down Jared's cock, inch after inch disappearing into warm, wet heat. His firm grip at the base remained and it was the only reason Jared didn't come as soon as he felt Jensen's throat around him, squeezing tight when Jensen swallowed. When Jared finally managed to open his eyes again, it felt like every nerve ending in his body was on fire; when he looked down to see Jensen slide up and down, moaning low around the cock filling his mouth, Jared felt his orgasm trying to break through again. 

Jensen looked up at Jared through thick lashes and let his grip go. Jared's orgasm slammed him hard; his back arched and forced his dick even deeper down Jensen’s throat, the come shooting straight down before the man pulled back, licking and swallowing down Jared's release.

"Wow, that was..." Jared mumbled when Jensen sat up.

"Oh, we're far from done," Jensen said, licking his lips clean. 

Body relaxed and pliant from his orgasm, Jared let Jensen move him until he was on all fours, facing the headboard with Jensen behind him. He heard Jensen stand up and the familiar sound of buttons being popped open, followed by the soft sound of denim sliding down and hitting the floor. Jared couldn't stop himself from looking back; Jensen was just getting back up on the bed, the last remnants of daylight painting his body in gold and shadow. That was all Jared was aware of because Jensen was getting in place behind him, but not as Jared had expected; instead, Jensen bent down behind Jared and licked down his spine, dragging his tongue slowly over the knobs of bone until it slid down the crack of Jared's ass.

"Jen," Jared gasped at the intimate touch. "Fucking hell... _yes_."

Jared’s words ended in a loud moan when Jensen's tongue circled around his rim without pushing against the tight muscle, and Jared's world narrowed down to the feel of that tongue on him. Jensen's hands were on his ass, his touch firm as he spread Jared open for his tongue, and Jared could feel himself slowly growing hard again much sooner than he had thought possible. Jensen's skilled tongue licked over the ring in soft laps, circling and barely pushing inside until Jared was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and pushing back against the probe.

"Fuck, Jen, feels so good."

Jensen answered by suddenly pushing his tongue in deep and hard; the relaxed muscle parted willingly and Jared's whole body was shaking when he felt Jensen’s tongue trace the inside of his rim, tasting Jared more intimately than anyone ever had before. By the time Jensen added his fingers and started stretching Jared open, Jared's dick was rock hard again and leaking pre-come down on the bed. He didn't know how many fingers were inside of him, but he felt the warm tongue circle around where he was stretched, pressing in along the fingers before they were all removed.

Still trying to get his breathing in check, Jared heard a tearing sound and his heartbeat sped up again when he realized what it must have been: the sound of a condom wrapper being opened. He heard a low hiss behind him when Jensen rolled it on. A second tearing caught him by surprise until he felt something wet and cold being dripped over his hole: lube. Jensen's fingers returned, pushing slick inside Jared with a few slow strokes before they were pulled away and Jared felt Jensen move up behind him, his blunt cock head lining up against Jared’s hole. 

"You're sure?" Jensen asked quietly behind him. 

"Never been more sure,” Jared answered. “Please, want you, need you.”

He tried to push back, but Jensen's hands were on his hips and they held him steady when Jensen started adding pressure, slowly sliding inside. A low burning sensation filled Jared, teetering on the edge of pain as Jensen kept pushing. The pain flared up when Jensen snapped his hips forward, burying himself balls deep in Jared.

"Fuck," Jared gasped, his hands fisting the sheets hard. 

Jensen stilled inside him; then he slowly circled his hips. He didn't pull out, but the movement of his cock inside Jared made the pain slowly fade away as it was replaced by another kind of burning; pleasure spread through his body like molten lava until he thought he would explode. 

"I'm ready, God, I'm so ready, please, Jen," he moaned, trying to push back against Jensen.

Jensen's answer was to slowly pull back, almost all the way out, before slamming back in, deep and hard. Jared had never been so full before and he loved every second of it, the way Jensen felt inside him, the push and drag of his dick deep inside Jared. Then Jensen moved slightly; the new angle made him hit Jared's sweet spot, causing him to cry out in pleasure. Not even Jensen’s hands on Jared's hips could prevent him from pushing back, searching for more friction. 

"Jared," Jensen groaned, circling his hips and slamming in hard. "Feels so good, so fucking perfect. Love this, love you."

He leaned forward, changing the angle again, and wrapped one hand around Jared's hard cock. The double sensation of Jensen filling him up and his strong fingers around Jared’s cock had Jared seeing stars; his arms gave out and he almost fell forward, resting his forehead against the pillow and moaning into the soft fabric. Jensen's hands on his hip and cock were all that kept him from landing flat on his belly on the bed. 

"Jensen, more, please, fuck me... Want to feel you. Love you so much."

Jared's voice was muffled against the pillow, but it seemed that Jensen heard him; he picked up his pace, his hand on Jared's dick working in rhythm with the hard thrusts. Jared’s second orgasm was even more powerful than the first had been. Jared felt his ass clench down hard around Jensen and the man's thrusts turned erratic; before Jared came down from his orgasm, he felt Jensen coming inside him, cock twitching out its release.

They collapsed down on the bed, Jensen half on top of Jared, and for a few minutes, they just lay there, gasping for air as they slowly came back down. Jensen pulled out and Jared couldn't stop his low hiss and a disappointed whimper when the connection was broken, but as soon as Jensen had discarded the condom, he pushed Jared over on his back and fit himself beside him, one arm over his chest and one leg over Jared's thigh to pin him in place.

"That was..." Jared said weakly. 

"Amazing?" Jensen asked. "The best you've ever had?"

"Well, obviously," Jared said with a laugh before he turned serious. "Jen, I'm so sorry that I..."

Jensen pushed up on one arm, looking down at Jared, and Jared fell silent when he looked into Jensen's warm green eyes. 

"None of that," Jensen said. "It doesn't matter, only this matters. You and me. Us."

"Us." Jared smiled up at him. "I think I can work with that."

_**~Epilogue~** _

"I think we should..." Jared started, but Jensen's mouth on his quieted him down.

Jared allowed himself to get lost in the soft kisses and the way Jensen's hands felt on his hips where they pushed him up against the wall of the small kitchen. He heard their friends laugh and shout insults at each other outside, but it felt unimportant. 

"Should what?" Jensen asked as he pulled away, smirking at Jared.

Jared shook his head to try and clear his mind and Jensen's smile grew wicked and he circled his hips, his erection pushing against Jared's; Jared lost his train of thought and dove back in for another kiss. 

"Oh, fuck me, can't you two keep your hands off each other for a few hours?" came a voice from the door. 

They didn't pull apart, arms still wrapped around each other as they looked over to where Chad was standing in the doorway, holding his hand up to cover his eyes. Jensen shot Jared an amused look and rolled his hips again; Jared blushed when he couldn't keep from moaning.

"Ass!" Chad protested. "I'm standing right here, stop grinding and making fucking porn sounds!"

"What are you shouting about, Murray?" Chris asked, peaking into the kitchen. "Oh, those two. You’ve only got yourself to blame if you walk in anywhere without knocking."

"It's the kitchen! I'm supposed to be able to go into the kitchen," Chad complained. He squeaked when Chris slapped his ass. 

"Stop being such a girl." Chris grinned and disappeared back outside. 

"I...you...fuck," Chad muttered. "I was sent in to tell you two that the food is done so can you please stop sucking face and come outside? You know, to the party!"

He turned around and stalked after Chris, leaving Jared and Jensen alone in the kitchen. Jensen pushed Jared back against the wall for another five minute make-out session before they broke apart and walked out into the backyard, fingers entwined. Kissing was nice, but so was the first barbecue of the season.

~*~

Jensen sat with his back against a tree; Jared lay between his spread legs, leaning his head back on Jensen's shoulder with a small smile on his lips. The food had been devoured and Jared felt full, happy, and slightly drunk. He also felt very much at home. Over the months that had passed since his and Jensen's reunion, whatever bumps there had been had smoothed out and even Chris seemed to have forgiven Jared for the whole mess. To Jared's surprise, Chad had melted straight into Jensen's group of friends; he was pretty sure Chris and Chad even hung out on their own nowadays.

The rich sound of a guitar being strummed filled the air and Jared could feel Jensen move behind him to see who had brought the instrument. 

"You know it’ll be Chris, or Steve. Probably both," Jared said, tipping his head to the side to press a kiss again Jensen's jaw. 

"I know,” Jensen said. “Hey, get up.” He pushed Jared into sitting position. 

"What? Hey, I was comfortable," Jared protested with a pout. 

Jensen was already on his feet, pulling Jared up with him and dragging him towards the music as he ignored Jared's protests. When they joined their friends seated in a half circle in front of Chris, Jared's protests fell silent; Jensen let go of him and walked up to Chris, taking up the spare guitar that rested against the porch railing beside him. 

It was Jensen's guitar, Jared realized, and that was surprising; he and Jensen had arrived together and Jensen hadn’t brought his guitar with him, but there it was, the smooth wood gleaming red in the light of the setting sun. Jensen's fingers strummed over the strings a few times before he settled down and started playing a soft melody as he spoke. 

"I guess all you guys know Jared," he said with a smile. "Thing is, Jared has yet to hear me sing, and I thought we should rectify that tonight."

Jared couldn't stop his wide smile at those words. He had heard Jensen play several times, but this would, in fact, be the first time Jensen had actually sung in front of him, _for_ him. Jared sat down beside Chad, still smiling wide. 

"This song is called ‘Somebody,’ and I hope Martin Gore will forgive me for changing the lyrics slightly," Jensen said. Then he started singing.

" _I want somebody to share_  
Share the rest of my life  
Share my innermost thoughts  
Know my intimate details  
Someone who'll stand by my side  
And give me support"

Jared felt his breath catch in his throat as Jensen's voice rang out in perfect harmony with his and Chris's guitars, the melody soft as honey, warming Jared inside and out. He knew that Jensen had chosen the song for a reason, that every word was meant for Jared. 

" _Though my views may be wrong_  
They may even be perverted  
He'll hear me out  
And won't easily be converted  
To my way of thinking  
In fact he'll often disagree  
But at the end of it all  
He will understand me"

"Dude," Chad mumbled beside him. "Are you crying?"

Jared shook his head; the movement made the tears filling his eyes fall down his cheeks, making tracks in his skin and gathering in the dips of his dimples before sliding down his chin.

" _But when I'm asleep_  
I want somebody  
Who will put their arms around me  
And kiss me tenderly"

Jensen finished the song, but Jared was barely aware of the last lines; the second the song ended, Jared was on his feet, pulling Jensen up and catching the guitar between them as he kissed his boyfriend hard.

"Get a room," someone called out.

With a laugh, Jared pulled away and looked down at Jensen, who was smiling just as wide as he was. Heat turned his green eyes dark and when his pink tongue came out to lick the taste of Jared from his lower lip, Jared took his hand and pulled him towards where Jensen's car was parked. 

"Great idea, thanks, bye," Jared said quickly, ignoring the whoops and catcalls that followed them.

~*~

Hours later, they lay tangled together on messy sheets, close enough that Jared wasn’t really sure where one of them ended and the other began. Jensen's hand was on his hip, stroking circles over the skin with soft touches, and his other hand was buried in Jared's hair, holding him down while they traded lazy kisses.

"I love you," Jensen said, licking over the seam of Jared's lips.

"That's kinda good," Jared mumbled as he arched up against Jensen. "All this cuddling would be pretty awkward if you didn't."

Jensen laughed and reached down to pull the comforter over them, hiding them from the light of the bedside lamp. What little light seeped through the fabric was coloured green by the sheets, making Jensen's eyes look black and hiding his freckles in shadow. 

"I've been thinking," Jensen said. "School’s out for the summer soon, and..."

Jared stiffened. He had tried to not think about the summer; he knew he would be allowed to stay in his dorm, considering he didn't really have anywhere to go. He didn’t have a family that wanted him home over summer break. He hadn’t brought it up to Jensen, knowing that his boyfriend was going to Texas to stay with his family; Jared really didn't want to think about how lonely he would be. Not tonight, when everything had been so good. 

"Hey," Jensen said softly when he felt the tension in Jared's body. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to come home with me."

"What?" Jared gasped. He quickly pushed the comforter back down, needing to see Jensen.

Jensen pushed himself up one one arm, hovering over Jared and smiling down at him, his eyes emerald green in the soft glow of the lamp. 

"Come home with me, spend the summer with me and my family," Jensen said. "There's no way I can go the entire summer without you; plus, my mom would kill me if I didn't bring you with me."

Jared felt the burn of tears in his eyes; Jensen reached out to swipe the moisture from his lashes when Jared tried to blink them away.

"I don't deserve you," Jared mumbled. 

"Does that mean yes?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah, that means yes. It also means that I love you, so much," Jared said, smiling through his tears. 

Jensen kissed him until the tears dried away and their lips were numb and swollen. He fell asleep with his head on Jared's chest, breathing warm puffs of air against his skin. Jared lay there for a long time just looking at Jensen. He didn't see green eyes when he closed his own anymore; Jared thought that he might never find out why he _had_ seen Jensen for so many years. It didn't matter, though; not when he got to see Jensen every day, when he got to _be_ with Jensen. 

If Jared had to put a name to the the phenomenon that had made him see Jensen long before they had ever met, he would probably call it 'soul mates.'

_**~The End~** _


End file.
